We Need an Ambulance (imagine dipping your toes in lava.) Part 1

_MG_2058“Yeah it was all fun & games till the ambulance showed up.” Sounds funny and as I look back on it now most times it was funny… well yeah most times, but not all.

So in 20 years of going out and cooking on location you know it is bound to happen sooner or later that you will be at an event where someone gets sick or hurt or some way needs medical assistance. Let me list a few here.

Old people falling down

Drunk people falling down

Old drunk people falling down

Young drunk people falling down

Bee stings

Dog bites

Food allergies

Old people falling down

BB gun accidents


Heart attack

Baby dropped on head

Girlfriend dropped on head

Old people falling down

Kid hit by car on bike

Kid hit by another kid

And the list goes on… oh and did I mention old people falling down. I was at a party years ago where there were three different incidents of old people falling down. Each time the State Trooper arrived before the EMTs. Finally the host asked him if he could just stay and join the party (no joke). The Trooper said he could not stay but he wanted all elderly to leave the party. LOL he was joking. In all of the incidents I have listed above no one was seriously injured except one and I’ll touch on that one later.

So really the one piece of advice to take away from this is “watch out for elderly guests” at your party. In my experience it was always one of two things. It was either the hot weather or uneven ground/sidewalks ect…

There for a while in the early 2K years we would take bets on the way to the job “will we see an ambulance at the party today.” It seemed to happen so often, at one point we were at three weeks running.

Another that comes to mind was the time the groom passed out at the end of the wedding reception and it is not what you think. Sure the groom passed out and on his way down strikes his head on a huge boulder in the yard. So everybody thinks he had too much to drink and we put him in the “drunk people falling down” category. But he was not a drinker, didn’t smoke, do drugs… nothing, he was just dehydrated and run down from all the work leading up to his wedding. I felt so bad for him because he truly was a really cool young man. He came to, and refused to get in the ambulance. Then passed out again and the Trooper said “get him on that stretcher and out of here ASAP.” Only problem for me was… the groom was paying the bill and now he left in an ambulance. Yeah fun times.

Did I ever need an ambulance? The answer is kind of mixed. No I never left the job in an ambulance although sometimes a “straight jacket” would have been nice. One time I did dump boiling turkey juice down my leg and into my leak proof Gore-Tex shoe, where it cooked my foot just like the turkey. If you’re wondering how bad it hurt… Something like that kind hurt. I tried to pretend it did not happen and went on with what I was doing, until my girlfriend (who was standing there in amazement) asked; “doesn’t that hurt?” At that point I went to my truck for the first aid kit and tended to it. I finished the job, but that’s all I’ll say because any further description would turn your stomach. I will say I still have both of my feet although one tastes better than the other.

So that concludes part one, in part two I’ll talk about the time I cooked food that nobody would eat and a baby and old man both get dropped on their head at the same time. (You can’t make this stuff up folks.)


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